A bonus family is all that the name suggests but these surprise additions in a family can bring in a few new bonds that can only thrive with a good understanding among all. One man has shared the situation at his home with his wife not being on the same page as him regarding his stepdaughter. The conflicting views under one roof have led to some complications in their relationship.
This stepfather is having a tough time keeping his point in front of his wife as she is standing firm on her view that he should start referring to his stepdaughter as the daughter.
He wrote in his post, “I met my wife 6 years ago, we got married after 2 years of knowing one another. She had a 6 year old daughter when I met her and she’s now a thriving and lovely 12 year old.”
He admitted that he really loves that girl but just doesn’t have a paternal bond with her that everyone in his wife’s family now expects of him.
“Over time I guess their mental POV has shifted because now my wife and her family wish for me to start referring to my stepdaughter as my daughter. However she is not expected to refer to me as dad,” he further wrote.
He reassures that his wife’s daughter has a “great dad” who cares for her a lot. So, he keeps it to being a stepdad and never a step ahead. But this has caused a disagreement in their house.
“I love her but she’s my stepdaughter, there is a degree of separation, and that has been influenced by my wife and her family as well as my stepdaughters paternal family,” he explained.
“We’ve had many discussions in the past about why I’m uncomfortable and she tells me organic relationships grow and I need to get over it. But I still feel the way I feel, and she blew up at me saying I’m being difficult and that if I never view our daughter as my daughter I’m a terrible person. I love her — to clarify, I just don’t see her as my child.”
He has been contemplating the situation a lot and nothing seemed to clear his head on this. He shared it on Reddit and asked for opinions and maybe, some guidance.
Surprisingly, people sided with the stepdad and told him that his feelings are valid and they can’t be changed instantly as per his wife’s requirements.
One user wrote, “She spent years making sure you never felt completely comfortable with your relationship and now she’s mad you refer to her as your stepdaughter (which she is)?”
Some people left a few wise words for the man to deal with the whole conflict in his house. They urged him to have a proper conversation with the 12-year-old girl and sort it out.
“I think this is a discussion to have with the stepdaughter, it only matters what she wants out of the relationship. If she considers [him] her dad too, this is the time to build the relationship,” someone recommended.
Blended families can be beautiful if every member makes an equal contribution to understanding the other one. Nothing can be forced and if it is, expect an undesired tiff!