Gaslighting is topping charts after Merriam-Webster named it “word of the year” for 2022. No doubt, many people now know the meaning of the term. But it is difficult to figure it out in a relationship. Experts believe that a person gaslit their partner when they want to break down their partner’s trust in themselves (intentionally) and establish their dominance.

To remain hooked in a relationship is not child’s play for many people. They have to struggle with their hearts out to make their love life work. Their problems erupt from external and internal factors. A dominating partner tops the list when it comes to internal factors. A person may be able to subdue external headwinds. But it becomes a mountain when one has a dominating partner who does not give away easily. This urge for dominance has also given way to gaslighting in relationships. However, it is not easy for one to figure it out.

Gaslighting is basking in the limelight. Merriam-Webster named it “word of the year” for 2022. Therefore, search engines were buzzing with the searches for the word. It witnessed a “1,740 percent increase in lookups, with high interest throughout the year”. Not just that, Oxford dictionaries also named it one of the most popular words in 2018. Gaslighting means manipulating a person with their feelings and perceptions.

Therefore, it becomes difficult to spot it in a relationship. Not every emotional abuse constitutes gaslighting. To understand better, suppose you tell your partner, “I’m just feeling really sad today.” But your partner responds, “No, you’re fine. You’re just feeling tired. Don’t be dramatic.” Here, your partner is emphasizing that what you feel is not your reality. Going that way, they are trying to make you lose your faith in yourselves. In other words, they are taking control of your perceptions and making you rely on them. This is gaslighting.

According to Brooke Schwartz (a psychotherapist), “Gaslighting is similar to the concept of invalidation. It’s undermining somebody’s sense of reality and denying the facts, and their feelings, to create what is a blatantly false narrative. It makes someone question their judgment, their perception of reality, their experience, and sometimes their sanity. Not all feelings fit the facts of the situation. But all feelings are valid. Invalidation suggests that you're wrong for feeling the way that you're feeling.”

The celebrated 1944 film Gaslight also builds on this ground. Gaslighting is dangerous in a relationship because it tries to break one’s emotional confidence. Taking on that part, Betsy Chung (a relationship expert) said, “Over time, being gaslit breaks down the victim’s self-esteem and their own ability to trust their own perspective on things. A lot of time, the goal of the gaslighter is to get their partner to become more dependent on them to retain all control and power in the relationship. They make all the decisions and judgments because they've eroded their partner’s trust in themselves, so they defer to the gaslighter.”

Gaslighting is common with people trying to establish their dominance over their partners. They try to pare down their insecurities. It takes a lot of time for one to figure out gaslighting in one’s relationship. But once they figure it out, they should keep proof of everything. After that, they should confront their partners with them. Not just that, they should also work on regaining their confidence.

However, many partners continue to reel under the horrors of gaslighting. External help can go a long way in helping one win back one’s confidence in their thoughts and perceptions.